Monday, March 14, 2011

Peeling Back my Diabetic Brain

"My Diabetic Brain"
I was thinking about the movie Shrek when he makes reference to himself being complicated, with many layers like an onion, and donkey refuting this in a positive way, by saying more like a layered cake. 

My point is we are complicated, with many layers.

I,  at least feel like my brain is complicated lately.  Things that used to be clear, and simple are now questioned, judged, and not so clear. 

The cognitive behavior tricks or more respectfully stated "Techniques" do seem to work.  My wife notices a different "me" but what do I notice when I peel back the layers of my thoughts?

I'll tell you:

Those "ANTS"(For those who missed my previous post, ANTS = Automatic Negative Thoughts) are still pesky little buggers that are trying to penetrate my mind.  I am more watchful of them now, which may explain the changes on the outside. But it is still very trying to always keep on guard. It is like being on guard all the time with no one to replace you. A lot like having diabetes I guess. 24/7. 

As I am more aware, conscience, or whatever of my thoughts, it is apparent that these ANTs are plentiful.
More then I would have previously known if it weren't for the Jedi Training.

Now when an ANT makes its way into my stream of thoughts, I snatch the little bugger, stare at it, think about, and decide what to feel about it, and the result seems to be a more positive emotional response. Not as reactive, not like a run-away train. 

I realize now this is going to take a lot of practice, herbal tea, some meds, therapy, and more peeling of layers to deal with those nagging ants that are trapped in my layer brain. 

I know my post likely sounds pretty "out there" but these are my peeled back thoughts.  I am hoping soon to compare my brain to a layered cake. 


1 comment:

  1. I know all too well about the ANTs. Struggled with them all my life and still do. One of the things I've taken to doing is to consciously seek out the good things about myself, or small achievements, and pat myself on the back for it -- often out loud to my friends. Some of them may see it as bragging, but it's not -- it's my way of being positive -- if no one else will do it for me, I'll do it for myself.