Great Album from Pink Floyd by the way.
What now? Why did I fall so deep? These are questions for me to explore. I want the spring back in my step, the passion back, but I feel like I am trudging through thick mud. Everything is an effort. Like being stuck in quicksand, reaching for a branch to grab a hold of and pull my self out.
I have blogged about diabetes and mental health on Three 2 Treat numerous times; a few posts come to mind: Mood and Diabetes - What Gives!, a few of my later posts like, Throw in the Towel Already! and most recently a, Letter of Resignation.
Were these signs that maybe I was on a slippery slope to deterioarating mental health or extreme burnout? Who knows.
My momentary lapse in rational thinking scared the living shit out of me. Hindsight is not entirely twenty twenty at this point in time. However, I am astutely aware of what I was capable of doing, and also what I would have lost.
I hope to learn from this experience. I hope to share this with all who are willing to read this. I am not writing this for simpathy; but to express my self, and hopefully avert a future episode for myself or for another overwhelmed soul dealing with a chronic disease like diabetes who feels like there are no other options.
As my friend said (my dear friend) there are always options. Just pause long enough, and they will surface and present themselves. Always. Time, is alway ticking, but this is a good thing, as time allows us to ponder options, and some options obviously have better outcomes then others.
So in my case, and I am sure I am not alone. There was a moment where my thoughts weren't rationale, or a momentary lapse of reason..
A "moment" by my definition is a temporary period in time, that inevitably passes. Thank god, my momantary lapse of irationale thinking passed uneventfully, allowing me to move forward in time to the next moment.
Hopefully it will be a moment of mental clarity, one that is future oriented, one filled with joy, love, success, and life.
But what saved my ass in this crisis? Luck amd a perceptive friend.
My own insight into what transpired, I guess. A willingnes to seek help. I have seen my physician, I have booked counselling, I am not ashamed to seek help. Talking and sharing is good.
Yes, even if you are a man. See my humour is still present, however lame.
Next I will look into resources I should have accessed prior to this event.
Thanks for letting me share.
PS: If you are feeling desperate reach out. Seriously!