Friday, November 30, 2012

Life Changes and so does Diabetes

I almost forgot that this is a blog about diabetes and the games we play in our mind to manage it.

Well, if you`ve read my last post my life has changed, and for a while so did my ability or motivation to manage my diabetes. Put simply I just didn`t care. Still don`t some days.

I go to my doctor and they always comment on my A1C, oh, it has climbed, and I usually reply that the reason is my mood has declined, sort of an inverse relationship I guess.

I always tell folks with diabetes, that if the stress part of your life isn`t well managed then your diabetes will never be adequately controlled. Who am I to preach. I know.

When my depression gets a grip, you know, barely brush my teeth, dragging my self to work, those joyless, overwhelming sad feelings, my diabetes is the last thing on my to do list. In actual fact it likely compounds my mood as I make poorer food choices cause I just don`t care.

When you feel worthless, and ineffective in your daily life, one way to abuse yourself is through not taking care of yourself. People use alcohol and drugs, I have used diabetes, knowing full well that eating 3 bowels of sugary cereal is not exactly in a good diet plan.

Point is I need to focus on the mood first, sooth the soul, talk , write, exercise, try to find joy and purpose, which I find in my kids and work.

Well, that's all I can think of for now.


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Let the Mindgames Begin....Again

My Mind, oh my mind.

I often comment on facebook how I wish there was a pause button or an off switch when the mind is racing away with endless worries and thoughts.

Well folks, my world is completely flipped around. Yes it is true. My wife and I are living in separate places, or in official terms separated. No reconciliation in the near future, trust me I`ve asked.

I have five wonderful ladies in my life, no not girlfriends, my children that keep me spry and on my best behavior.

Life is lonely, despite having two jobs, and five kids.

As for the mind game, and diabetes, well at first it took a nose dive, seriously, crazy numbers, I fear my next A1C, but if ya ain`t got the mind under wraps then diabetes management inevitably fails.

It would appear that I completely gave up on this blog. But the truth is, I havn`t been able to focus a whole lot on the essentials.  Keeping my job most days has been a challenge, as depression, sadness, anger or whatever the flavour of the day was engulfed my life and thwarted my ability to concentrate on the most basic tasks.

 But I am back. I`ve climbed out of that deep dark place, albeit still looking over my shoulder at the precipice, but far enough from the edge to feel safe now.

So hopefully I will jot my thoughts down on occasion and they will make a little sense, and just maybe I will relate to some one out there....