I Can See Clearly Now......

My Attempt at Poetry.








The Time has Come, it's that Time of Year,
The Grass Dries Up, and the Sky becomes Clear


I Reflect on the Passed Season, and Wonder Why
Why I Struggled, like a Kite in the Sky


Although my Mind was in a State of Fear
I pulled on out and now I'm here


This Season Pulled and Pulled, I Could Not Fly
Instead I felt Alone and Cried


The Sun now Shines and Dries my Tears
and Now I'm Left to Love and Endear



Trev

Why so many whys?

Why?

Simple question right, well not all the time.

Why when you're tired do your kids seem to behave at their worst?

Why when you have planned a special meal your meter reads high?

Why is it when you have no money your car breaks down?

Why is when you want peace chaos ensues?

Why can't the sun shine more?

Why is it we know what to do but don't?

Why is when I wake up and say, I am going to be a better parent, friend, partner,
worker, I end up yelling at my kids, ignoring a friends call, and not listening to my partner?

Why don't mini vans have sound proof partitions like limos?

Why does it seem that when things are going really well things suddenly change?

Why do we have to live with diabetes?

Why does anyone have to endure pain and suffering?

Why are there so many whys?

My only answer thus far as that we are all imperfect, fallible, vulnerable, emotional, ever evolving humans.

The positive in all this is we have free will and the human ability to self reflect, change, and wake up tomorrow and try again.

Trev

Peeling Back my Diabetic Brain

"My Diabetic Brain"

I was thinking about the movie Shrek when he makes reference to himself being complicated, with many layers like an onion, and donkey refuting this in a positive way, by saying more like a layered cake. 

My point is we are complicated, with many layers.

I,  at least feel like my brain is complicated lately.  Things that used to be clear, and simple are now questioned, judged, and not so clear. 

The cognitive behavior tricks or more respectfully stated "Techniques" do seem to work.  My wife notices a different "me" but what do I notice when I peel back the layers of my thoughts?

I'll tell you:

Those "ANTS"(For those who missed my previous post, ANTS = Automatic Negative Thoughts) are still pesky little buggers that are trying to penetrate my mind.  I am more watchful of them now, which may explain the changes on the outside. But it is still very trying to always keep on guard. It is like being on guard all the time with no one to replace you. A lot like having diabetes I guess. 24/7. 

As I am more aware, conscience, or whatever of my thoughts, it is apparent that these ANTs are plentiful.
More then I would have previously known if it weren't for the Jedi Training.

Now when an ANT makes its way into my stream of thoughts, I snatch the little bugger, stare at it, think about, and decide what to feel about it, and the result seems to be a more positive emotional response. Not as reactive, not like a run-away train. 

I realize now this is going to take a lot of practice, herbal tea, some meds, therapy, and more peeling of layers to deal with those nagging ants that are trapped in my layer brain. 

I know my post likely sounds pretty "out there" but these are my peeled back thoughts.  I am hoping soon to compare my brain to a layered cake. 

Trev